Internet Hookup

For anyone from Canada or the USA (excluding those who live in remote areas, maybe), getting an internet connection is a simple process that usually takes about two hours from start to finish. But when you move to the UK, trust me when I say it can get very frustrating, so be prepared.

In an earlier post I mentioned how getting an internet hookup is a long, painful process, except I didn't get into the details because I was talking about electricity.

In Quebec for example, the process would go something like this:
Call Company » Provide Details » Make Payment » Remote Hookup » Ta-daaa! Sometimes, the provider doesn't have a link established to your house already, so they might need to send someone out, so let's say in that case it can take up to 48 hours.

By early December 2015, we had finalized the paperwork for our rental in England and obviously knew we would need an internet connection as soon as possible. So I went to my network of Canadians in the UK and asked about internet companies, stating my purpose of getting hooked up as soon as we moved in.

And then, everyone laughed.

Who are the major broadband providers in the UK?

First things first. The major companies offering broadband (and other communications services i.e. television) are BT, Sky, Virgin Media, and Plusnet (here's a comprehensive list of all providers).

Which to choose?

People have strong opinions on each provider—as we tend to have when it comes to our media services. The main comments I got from people in my network went something like this:

"HAHAHA 😂😂 right!? It took us over a month to get hooked up when we moved." 

And: 

"I had loads of probs with BT." 

That about sums it up.

Naturally, I was unconvinced, certain that if I organized things properly, we could get our internet connection in a couple of days, despite it being the Christmas holidays. Ignorance is bliss, they say?

Next, researching the most active provider in our soon-to-be-neighbourhood.

Considering I come from a province struggling to offer a competitive telecom market, having all these options made my head hurt. I discovered this website, with a wealth of postcode-specific statistics. You enter a valid UK postcode and you are instantly granted demographic information, housing prices, crime rates, etc. for that area, as well as who the main broadband suppliers are.

If you haven't already bought or rented a place, but you're looking for a city or county to settle in, Wikipedia has a very thorough list on postcodes by district. Just find the name of the city(ies) you're looking at, copy the postcodes, and you suddenly have a great way to measure the pros and cons.

So. I had a postcode. I chose the top two contenders for our area. Then I called them to open our account and get things rolling. Can't be that complicated—get all the details taken care of, then once you land, turn the switch on. Mhm, yeah. No.

Patience, grasshopper.

Turns out you need to have an active bank account in the UK even just to open the telecom account. They won't take credit cards. They don't accept your Canadian HSBC bank account, even if you're linking it to the UK one. Even if you mention your complicated international-move situation. Basically, I couldn't even get the set up done with details like name, UK address, etc.

So. To open an account with a telecom company, here's what you need:

• a UK address (to obtain this, you will need proof of employment and immigration paperwork, among other things)
• an active bank account in the UK (for which you need all your paperwork, your residence permit, and a UK address, among other things)

You have all this ready now, so you call the broadband company back. You open your account. You set up your details. You chose your packages. Yes, the house is hooked up to their service... But...

But they need to mail you the modem. Yes, you read that correctly. They must send you a modem even if your house is linked to their service. How long will that take? About fourteen days.

For the next 10 days, you mooch off Costa's free WiFi to get your email, whilst drinking countless cups of coffee and discovering the British Toastie. In the evening, you mooch off Beefeater's WiFi to FaceTime with family back home, because anyway, after all the coffee you drank at Costa's there's no way you can fall asleep. You go to the shops and mooch their WiFi so you can flip through GumTree ads for a used table and chairs.

Every single day you pray the modem will arrive early. And on day twelve, here it is! Two whole days early! Suddenly, you're just so happy the last twelve days are instantly forgotten. You read the manual and get it all set up, but in your excitement you don't notice the sticker and leaflet that says the connection date is two days from now.

Deflated, but not one to give up, you call the company (with your Canadian cell because you don't have a connection yet) and say "Hiya! I got the router! Can you connect it? You know, make it work? Gimme WiFi?"

The employee is unphased by the hope in your voice. "What is the date on your router?"

"It's the 14th. But I have the router. It's here. It's all plugged in!" You're still on a high from all that coffee.

"I'm sorry, you'll have to wait until that date. There's nothing I can do."

How is this possible? Your forehead is against the wall and you're struggling to comprehend.

Interpreting your silence as acceptance, the employee asks mechanically if there's "anything else I can do for you today?"

"Seriously. You can't change the start-up date to today? All the physical elements are here, ready. I just need the juice."

"No, I'm sorry, you'll have to wait until that date. There's nothing I can do."

You hang up, miserable. You look at the mess of twist-ties and torn plastic wrapping and wires on your living room floor. It looks like Christmas—without the happy ending.

So to you I say, get organized, choose wisely, and be patient. There is a ton of free WiFi available in the UK. Heck, they even have free WiFi on public transit. Hopefully this post has clarified things and prepared you for what to expect. And hopefully I even made you chuckle a little bit...

Please feel free to vent below, or to share your experiences with broadband hookup. We could all use a laugh! ;)